i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I looked at my own cervix.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
