i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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