She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
