Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
