after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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