I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
