they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
