Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
