I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
