How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
