I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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