Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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