walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
