Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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