So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
