I think I died a long time ago.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize