I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
