toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
