I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize