end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize