I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
