UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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