hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
