he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
