He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
