dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
