I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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