Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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