You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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