No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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