Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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