Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
