Did you just see the Batmobile???
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
