RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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