I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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