found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
