do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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