just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Sober January is a disaster.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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