ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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