Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
