Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
