We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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