you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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