Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
