i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
