i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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