There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
