im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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