i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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