If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
