farters have to be the big spoon...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
