Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
