Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
