thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
