He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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