I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
