when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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