Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
