the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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