I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
