Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
