hotel room ftw
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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