my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
