WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
