Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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