Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
