I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize