he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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