Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
