OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
