16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
