I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
