i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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