i was born a porn star she said
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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