It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
