Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I look better un-naked...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
