I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
