woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
