Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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