R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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