We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
