D3 body, D1 cock
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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