i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
