Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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