Where did you get a picture of my penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
