She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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