you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
