so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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