i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
