Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
