member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
