Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
