need another drink. this is the easiest way
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
